He He He

That is a great joke Harold I hope I can remember it for at work.

Future Corporate Mergers


1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and W.R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros. and Zesta Crackers will consolidate into Poly, Warner, Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue stock as MMM Good.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco and Dakota Mining will merge to become, of course: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. Federal Express will form a partnership with UPS. The new firm will be known as: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will merge as: Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Docker Pants and Grey Poupon will consolidate as: Poupon Pants.

8. Knotts-Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will join forces and become: Knott NOW!

Nice!

Very nice.

That was funny. I had to force myself not to laugh to hard (I haven't felt to well today).

The Car Chase


Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro east on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.
The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him, got out, walked up his colleague's car and said, "Hey sarge, why did you stop?"
"Stupid rookie," the sarge snarled in reply. "He's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never be able to catch him."

The Counselling Session


While attending a marriage seminar on communication, George and his wife listened to the instructor declare: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Goerge leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Gold Medal Self-Raising, isn't it?"


The rest of the story is not pleasant.

very good

A man and his wife were awakened by a robber with a gun standing over their bed late one night. Terrified they stared at the robber who said ì Iím feeling generous tonight tell me your name and I may not shoot you.î The wife said ìMy name is Elizabeth.î The robber stated ì thatís my mothers name I claní t shoot you.î The husband looked at the robber and said ì My name is Bob but everybody calls me Elizabeth.î

very good.

5 Shots of Whiskey


A man stumbles up to the bar looking very haggard, and says, "Give me five shots of whisky and right now!"
The bartender lines up five shot glasses on the bar, and fills them with whiskey. As he turns around from putting the bottle up he notices that the five shot classes are empty. "God almighty, that was fast," the bartender says.
"Yeah, well you would drink fast too if you had what I have," says the customer.
The bartender takes a step back and says, "what have you got?"
They guy pulls his hand out of his pocket and says, "Seventy-five cents."

I'll have to tell the bar guys up at work that one.

The saloon was full when a guy came running in the door yelling "Everybody out Big Bart's coming."In a clatter of falling chairs and breaking glasses the place emptied leaving only the saloon keeper. He looked up and saw a huge dirty man comming down the street. The guy was kicking dogs and hitting horses.When he got to the door he ripped it off its hindges. Broke every table and chair on his way to the bar . "Gimme a bottle" he demanded. the frightened bar tender handed him a fresh bottle which the man bit the top off and drank down."Want another?" the bartender asked. "Hell no! Aint ya heard, Big Barts commin."

2 bar jokes in a row. Now you guys have gone and made me thirsty.

In rushing to answer her ringing telephone, a woman tripped and grabbed for the receiver, which fell with a crash, smacking the family dog on the head, who proceeded to howl, which startled the woman's three-year-old son, who began to holler. Mumbling a few colorful words, the woman finally managed to lift the phone to her ear--just in time to hear her husband's voice on the other end say, "Nobody's said hello yet, but I'm positive I have the right number."

Funny!

The Mule, the Monkey & The Man

God created the mule, and told him, "You are mule. You will work constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."

The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20."

And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him, "You are dog. You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years."

The dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years."

And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."
The monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no than 10 years."

And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."

The man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord; give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected."

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grandchildren.
And it is so ...

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