Hard as rock.

Unshapely as a turnip.

Infested with termites.

Needs to be polished.

I expected as much with him hanging around Rocky in bathroom stalls taking pictures of himself with him

Twitched his nose.

Handle with care.

Used as a stake on Vampire Diaries.

Hand crafted from aged cedar.

Wrapped in heavy twine offering a sure grip.

As good or even better then Joseph's cherry stick

Joseph's cherry stick is no match for Harold's wood.

Can prevent forest fires.

Harold's wood beats all then you could say

Harold's wood is used to beat us all when we are bad!

Used as currency in twenty eight countries.

Made in Ohio.

Some consider it an honor to be beaten with Harold's wood. That is why there is bad people in the world

So Harold's wood causes a self fulfilling prophecy. It exists to beat bad people, and in turn causes people to go bad so they can be beat by Harold's wood? Now that's one powerful wood!

Tested, mother approved.

It looks good on you.

The solution to every problem.

It's what's for dinner.

Bridges the gap between the internet and reality.

So easy anyone can do it.

Its not all wood, wood, wood, you know.

Harry Potter's magical wand.

Better, stronger, faster.

When 2nd best isn't good enough.

You can't live without it.

Building a better tomorrow.

I see you still crazy!!!!! LOL

Harold's Wood crazy like a fox, hungry like the wolf!?

Gets it done on time every time.

Get your Wood here.

Will give you softer skin.

For a brighter shine.

Try it you'll like it.

Is the best forget the rest.

Finishes first.

For people who want more.

I'll leave Harold's Wood alone for now. Enough attention has been given to it.

I'm not going to touch that except to say that my mind wandered someplace dirty and then it remembered the episode of Nip/Tuck when Liz, Gina, and Julia open the spa and find the secret ingredient for their face cream.

Ewww! In the 90's there was a shampoo that had that secret ingrediant in it and it was advertised that way.

Harold's Wood:

Was found dead after being attack by two masked gunmen.

Didn't mollest those poor children.

Made love to those poor children.

Thrust into the air by Trallyus while he chanted and wore his tutu.

Caused widespread flu in Virginia.

Kills the flu virus with just one shot.

Must be taken orally.

Also kills swine.

For when you don't want your food to taste like charcoal.

I googled that, you know. But I didn't come up with anything.

I remember the local morning radio show talking about it up in MA. They were reading the ad and I remember it specifically saying, "Just as the sperm penetrates the egg so does it penetrate the hair and rejuvinates it." I didnt hear about it anywhere else other than that morning show. So I don't know where it was being sold but I think it was some high priced specialty thing.

Can not be trusted.

Now with the scent of pine.

I swear I read that as "Vagina" which would make more sense.

Jenni says:

Tastes like chicken

The best part of waking up is Harold's Wood in your cup.

Might it have been a joke? That's the way I'm leaning.

I think i found what wesley is talking about at http://terrinoble.blogspot.com/

Harold's Wood: The way Joseph is leaning.

I figured a few would read that since they have such dirty minds! I live in Virginia. There did it happen again?

On the road again.

Gets around.

Harold will be beating alot of bad boys with his wood tonight after he reads this thread

Not to be confused with firewood, but both can cause a burning sensation.

I heard Harold likes to keep his wood close by.

I also heard that Harold can't walk by one of those signs that say "Break glass in case of emergency." without pulling out his wood and using on someones glass.

Rubbed by boyscouts to start fires since 1905.

Does not leave a streak free shine.

Lost but not forgotten.

It was also pre-internet and obviously didnt last long so it may not be found on the internet. This was in the early 90's.

Oak casks used to make the best Scotch.

In some countries , Harold's wood is stared at in wild eyed wonder by holy people.

I heard in some countries, if you rub Harold's wood you will get good luck.

Is the greatest natural aphrodisiac.

Harold's quality of wood is what all other wood is judged by you know.

Does the body good.

Pressure treated to prevent premature rot.

Rolling on the ground with Harold's wood?

Harold's wood is treated to withstand the elements I hear.

All the constructionists tell me Harold's wood is plumb.

The only thing we have to fear.

I heard Harold's wood is more valuable than gold or diamonds.

Nah. I was eating and did not have a sufficient number of hands to type a verbal response. The message I was trying to convey was that that comment is, so far, my favorite. Again, my mind went to bad places. But it usually stays in bad places, so there's no need for alarm.

Causes Joseph to type with only one hand.

I heard if your not careful with Harold's wood , you could poke an eye out

Not be responsible for sticky keyboards since 1996.

Obviously Joseph is touching Harold's wood with one hand is my guess

You mean you can use both hands? Harold never lets me use both hands!

Rarely seen but often felt.

Cause Harold did not want you to poke your eye out

Harold is so thoughtful when it comes to his wood and my eye.

Magically delicious.

I heard if Harold drops his wood in Ohio there is a storm in India. It's called the Woody effect by some.

Is for kids, silly rabbit.

Causes tsunamis.

Causes global warming.

No one knows how many rings Harold's wood has. Let's ask Mr. Owl...........

Number one choice for pirates with peg legs.

Termites love Harold's wood!!!!

Is so immense it cannot be fully grasped.

Harold sometimes can be found late at night with tools in hand sculpting, sanding, and polishing his wood to a fine honed piece of art.

Harold sometimes pounds a few balls with his wood.

Without pulp from Harold's wood, we would have no paper.

The stuff of myth and legend.

I heard you need a conceal and carry permit for Harold's wood.

Loved by some and feared by others.

Should be in everyone's back pocket.

Made Pinocchio come to life.

Glistens when wet.

Hauled by other truckers.

Is the main ingredient used in a gasifier to make gas. I saw that on the colony!!!! So it must be true.

Harold's wood has never been carbon dated.

Chuck could chuck wood.

Secretly coveted by gweeptish.

Harold likes to rub the knots in his wood from time to time

Harold's wood is a hard wood and not a soft wood like some have.

Touches us like an angel.

Resistance is futile.

Harold does not like getting his wood wet as then it swells.

Demands respect and dance.

Sails the seven seas.

Touches the sky.

Caused the dot com bust.

Coming out of your mouth doesn't sound right.

Harold's wood was mentioned in the bible by his pet name wormwood.

Is seven pages long and makes me sleepy. Goodnight.

I assume it is because Harold's wood has a hypnotizing affect on all.

I heard Harold's wood came from Dryads

Before Harold had his wood it was but a lonely seed in the dirt..

Can be used as a toothpick.

Never gonna give you up.

Order today.

Enjoyed when no-ones around.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Has been seen in your future.

Always and forever.

Will show you his, if you show him yours.

Eight pages long!

For what it's worth, Harold's wood has never been seen on his webcam.

LOL the day has come for the guys in the white coats to take you all away.

He has taken me away many times. But I keep spoons in my pockets and I escape on Friday nights and return Sunday, promptly at 1:00pm. The staff have become accustomed to this. And as I have never been arrested or caused any sort of public disturbances on my outings, they tolerate this behavior. Though a change in facility administration is going to occur on the 23rd of October and I fear the rumors are true that the new chief of staff is going to install a sort of invisible fence technology for humans around the perimeter. I believe that the only adaptation from the residential, canine version will be that there will be a bracelet instead of a collar to wear and there will be signs with red text posted around the perimeter explaining that further forward movement will result in slight, electrically-induced discomfort or cardiac arrhythmia for the older and less fit.

So... Harold's Wood causes slightly uncomfortable...pricks...of electricity.

Supplies are limited.

Fun for the whole family.

Keeps you coming back for more.

Points you in the right direction.

Gives that warm feeling.

Don't leave your home without it.

Is better than two of something else.

As far as the eye can see.

One size fits all.

It's fast, it's furious.

100% guaranteed or your money back.

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays Harold's wood from the swift completion of his appointed rounds.

Harold's wood keeps the crazies in check.