Cats drink scotch?

I guess I could be but that's a tough one to judge for yourself.

If your anything like Bella then there is nothing to judge

Virgo
AstroSlam for Sunday, April 27:

You may think that you're open to change, but you have a hard time even trying a new toothpaste! Today, make an effort to swish around your routine and spit out the stuff that'll leave a less than minty aftertaste.

LOL I know what change you can make and you'll feel the minty freshness.

CAPRICORN
December 22-January 19
Daily AstroSlam: April 26, 2008


You're so wrapped up in impressing people that you're forgetting who you actually are. C'mon, you can't pull off the pompous, arrogant act. You don't even have the self-confidence to fool a room full of kindergarteners

The one thing that is absolutely correct about this one is that I have a favourite toothpaste and won't change it.

CAPRICORN
December 22-January 19
Daily AstroSlam: April 27, 2008


Sketch out a financial plan for the future today. If your plan includes the phrase 'become a billionaire', please specify how you'll achieve this goal without winning the lottery

Kill some rich relatives then

Virgo
AstroSlam for Monday, April 28:

You'll find an inexplicable order in what appears to be utter chaos today. I guess your mixed-up mind comes in handy once in a while. Embrace the mess, it's where you're most comfortable.

Oh so true!

Saturn, the slow moving planet of karma and taskmaster of the zodiac, goes direct on May 2, 2008 at 8:07pm, PDT, ushering in an incredible period of possibilities and gifts.

Saturn commands us to get to work, and to work hard. Discipline and responsibility are important to this planet. So if you have been honest, responsible and hard working, gifts and rewards are coming your way! It could be a lucky break, a well-deserved raise at work or dreams you had given up, suddenly handed to you. However, if we have been shirking our responsibility or have been deceitful, then we will be found out and dealt with accordingly.

Saturn reinforces responsibility, carrying your share of the load and being held accountable for what you say or do -- or say you are going to do. Saturn rules wisdom, however, it is wisdom gained from hard work and experience -- earned one hard step at a time. During a direct period, Saturn inspires confidence. As its role as a teacher, during a direct transit, Saturn also bestows inner strength -- a strength of spirit, a deepening sense of compassion and understanding of self, others or a particular situation.

But remember: Each planet exerts influence over certain aspects of life depending on how they are placed in your individual natal or birth charts.

So does that mean your actually going to get paid this fortnight?

I don't think so. Apparently the above can be screwed up by those who don't work hard and honestly if they control your pay.

Imagine if they become management of a branch?

You'd be really up the creek then wouldn't you?

Virgo Horoscope for week of May 8, 2008

My songwriter friend Darius has created some fine music, but he periodically goes through phases when everything he produces sounds contrived. It's not writer's block he suffers from. During his bouts with bad composing, he's often teeming with ideas. The problem is that he gets caught up in a vortex of too much thinking. He can't stop his mind from tinkering endlessly with every raw impulse that wells up. Recently he joined the Immersion Composition Society, an organization that helps "talented basket cases" and "tortured geniuses" cut through their tendency to over-analyze and thereby reconnect to their pure inspiration. One technique: Musicians agree to take on firm deadlines that compel them to create songs wicked fast. I hope you find the equivalent assistance for your own field of expression, Virgo. The time is ripe for you to dissect less and build more.


I think this one is about a week late.

This is for all signs, not just mine.

Saturn just sent ripples in your life by going direct, but another major wave of change is coming on May 9 when Jupiter turns retrograde.

Jupiter is the planet of luck, grace, favor and fortune. Jupiter brings wealth, abundance, and optimism. Our successes, accomplishments and prosperity are all within the realm of the grace this large planet bestows upon us.

However, when Jupiter turns retrograde, our forward momentum is reversed. This period is not a good time to start new ventures, make financial investments or even change jobs for that matter. Rather, it is a time to finish projects, an excellent time to pay attention to relationships, as well a time to gain a better perspective on life and our inner self. The major emphasis of a Jupiter retrograde period is on inner awareness and inner growth.

Astroslam for Virgo.
Try not to interact with the human race too much today. You're in a scrappy, belligerent mood and you'll end up saying something mean to an innocent bystander. Return to society when you're feeling more agreeable.

I'm much more agreeable now but it was a close run thing this afternoon. I caught a different bus home and had to turn my ipod up very loud so that I didn't tear apart a bunch of nasty private school girls sitting around me.

Daily AstroSlam: May 29, 2008
CAPRICORN
December 22-January 19


It's a good day for decision-making, as long as someone else is making the decisions. For god's sake, you flip flop more than John Kerry. Examine all of the pros and cons with a friend and then take their advice.Even your pet could make better-informed choices than you could right now

Sounds a bit like me right now.